A balm to my weary soul when I wish I could escape to a monastery.

Henri Nouwen’s The Genesee Diary: Report from a Trappist Monastery felt like a spiritual companion during my own journey of faith. Especially coming out of a season of struggle and despair. There’s something about Nouwen’s writing that always draws me in—maybe it’s his vulnerability or the way he combines his personal stories with deep spiritual insights. With this book, I was once again captivated by how honest and human he is. He doesn’t shy away from revealing his flaws, doubts, or inner struggles, which, for me, made it all the more comforting.

The book chronicles the seven months Nouwen spent at a Cistercian monastery in upstate New York, and I found myself drawn into the quiet, almost mundane rhythm of monastic life he describes. He lets us into his daily routines, his wrestling with God, and even his frustrations with simple things like a student not thanking him for a book he sent. What struck me most was how relatable he is in those moments—like when he feels hurt over something small. I’ve had those moments, too, where something seemingly insignificant gets under my skin, and Nouwen’s raw honesty about that made me feel like I wasn’t alone in my own imperfections.

Some might think he reveals too much, but that’s what I love about Nouwen. His transparency is what makes his work so powerful. In today’s world, where people—especially spiritual leaders—often present a picture-perfect version of their lives, Nouwen does the opposite. He invites us into his mess, his doubts, and his deep inner conflicts. This made me appreciate him even more because it reminded me that spiritual life isn’t about having it all together. It’s about being real with ourselves and with God, and Nouwen’s willingness to let us in so deeply is something I found incredibly moving.

What resonated with me the most was his struggle to understand why he had gone to the monastery in the first place. He didn’t come away with all the answers neatly resolved, and I found that so refreshing. So often, we expect spiritual retreats or deep prayer times to bring clarity, but Nouwen’s experience was different. Instead, he came to a deeper understanding that life, with all its struggles, is ultimately a gift of grace. It’s a message that will stay with me long after finishing the book. It reminded me that my own life, with all its uncertainties and imperfections, with its interruptions and disruptions, is also a gift.

I also admire Nouwen’s deep devotion to God. He sets a standard of humble, honest faith that I want to follow. His openness to question, wrestle, and repent before God, while still pursuing Him with a heart full of love, is something I aspire to. His reflections helped me see that faith doesn’t have to be neat or perfect—it can be messy and full of questions, but it’s the pursuit and the openness to grace that matters.

The Genesee Diary made me feel like I was walking with Nouwen through those quiet monastery halls, sharing in his spiritual journey. His reflections encouraged me to be more attentive to my own relationship with God, to slow down and take time to reflect on where I am spiritually. If I ever get the chance, this is definitely a book I’d love to reread. It’s the kind of book that meets you where you are, and I think each time I return to it, I’d find something new to reflect on.

In the end, Nouwen’s simple, childlike honesty and deep reverence for God left a lasting impression on me. He reminds us that, despite our doubts and flaws, we are always recipients of God’s grace. And for that, I am grateful.

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We loose ourselves in a book,

we find ourselves there too - anonymous

~ Sylvia